


A Life Half Lived

by Ribby



Category: The Prestige
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-06
Updated: 2006-11-06
Packaged: 2017-10-15 10:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/160058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ribby/pseuds/Ribby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A soul torn in two can never be whole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Life Half Lived

  
There were days when he couldn't remember ever being whole. Not just whole in body, for that was a recent loss, but whole in mind and spirit. Days when he felt he had never been whole, never been anything but half a man living another man's life. Days when he wondered if there had ever been a man named Fallon who existed, rather than a copy of Borden who endured.

But for every day when he could not remember how it felt to be whole, there were nights when he almost could. Nights when Root would kiss his damaged fingers, promise that it didn't matter, that he had never known him whole and so loved him none the less for the loss. And then, he could almost remember how it felt to be whole, for Root was the one thing that was his and his alone, and shared nothing of it with his brother.

The closest he ever came to being his own man was with Root, and only quietly, and rarely, in Root's meager lodgings or furtively on the couch in his workshop. Root, when he was sober, or only a little drunk, would tease him, saying that it was a good thing he'd been with men for many years, and two fingers was all he needed. And when he was inside Root, joined as completely as two people may, that sense of wholeness slowly returned... until he reached for Root's shoulder and his damaged hand fell away. It was worse when Root was in control, and he lay on his back, their eyes locked as surely as their bodies were... but he could no more grasp at Root to hold him than he could hold himself. Yet even that could not dull the joy of their joining completely, and Fallon could let himself go, let himself be, held safe in Root's embrace and knowing it was him Root loved and not his brother.

But many nights, he lay wakeful and tense by Root's side, the other man's deep, even breathing his only touchstone, and cursed the gods who had damned him to his half-life, never whole, who had left him with half a soul, and a well so deep it could never be filled. Cursed the gods, cursed his mother for not exposing one of them at birth, cursed the Pact for keeping him in this eternal half-life.

The worst nights were those he spent alone, when his sense of a half-life became more and more acute, to the point where he was even jealous of Root for his own whole life.

When Root vanished, and he was left alone to fight his demons in the dark, he realized how much he had depended on the other man to give him some semblance of a life, and how much Root had filled the hole in his divided soul. Then he knew that the Pact which gave him life would be his death... and that alone was worth the living.


End file.
